Crazy Roomie
by Market Rush
Summary: AU. “Why is he so pretty! This is so unfair!” Sakura growls, with newfound hate. She roars again. “How am I going to study with a stupid pretty boy on the loose! In my own dorm too!” Oh dear, Sakura gets a roommate, but who?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer applied**: wow. I can't believe I wrote an actual fic. Congratulations to me! I'm scared but at the same time happy for this fic. Get where I'm going? :D

My bumper sticker says, "How's my writing?" Oh no, is this an omen telling you to review? I'll love you forever!

Prologue

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"Why is he so pretty?! This is so unfair!" Sakura growls, with newfound hate. She roars again. "How am I going to study with a stupid pretty boy on the loose?! In my own dorm too!" she yells to Ino on her cell, her cotton-candy hair literally on ends with static.

Sakura had just started her first year in Frankenstein College and was extremely excited to go to such a prestigious school… until she found out a certain bastard had filed for the same dorm as her.

They were always on ends with each other, competitively trying to out-do one another their whole life in everything there was to win for, at least, for her there was.

When she won the Little-League Piano Competition at six years old, he won the Tiny Junior Musical Talent the same year.

When she won the MVP for soccer at age 10, he won the Fastest Newcomer in swim a week later.

At age 14, she was honored the Miss Genius Intellectual by the President while Sasuke was awarded Mr. Cool Guy by, well, the entire high school population.

It wasn't fair! It was all the fan-girls voting anyway! Who cared who was cooler? As long as she beat him, that was all that mattered. ESPECIALLY what some fan-girl thought. Ick. Their shriekings of "_Sasuke-kun!"_ and "_Oh please have me!" _were annoying, not to mention stupid.

Would he really pick them? Jeez, have some taste. She should know; she knew him since forever.

When Sakura was younger at around the age of four, she met a cute boy with spiky onyx hair at a party congratulating the Haruno Company for another great year accomplished. It was a kind of party just to have a party: where all the socialites, debonair and debutantes went to show off.

She saw him through her mother's skirt while he was staring off at his ultra cool older brother with ladies with too much make-up in cocktail dresses surrounding the guy. …pimp.

The little Sasuke shivered, hoping that never happened to him. Too bad, huh? Little Sasuke turned to catch Tiny Sakura staring at him with big Sea-foam eyes. _Oh no, she's one of them!_ he thought.

And since they were kids and simply did not know better, he pushed her into a puddle of mud, instantly ruining her pink lacy dress with white ribbons.

"_Well, at least you get to HAVE such a gorgeous man in your bed. What do I get? A lazy ass. You should be grateful, Forehead,"_ Ino says boredly on her line of the call.

Sakura blanches out of her flashback and into the present, "We're not sharing beds!"

Shaking her head of the sexy image of Sasuke's bare ass on her lovely satin-pink covers, she starts again. "Didn't you hear a _word_ I said? I DON'T WANT HIM IN MY DORM!"

Ino smirks evilly, _"You're totally thinking of his ass, aren't you?"_

Sakura blushes crimson, unconsciously arranging to find another best friend, and explodes, "I AM NOT! You know what? I don't know why I bother with you!" and hung up.

Sakura sighs and shoves her cell into her Gucci bag. She doesn't even care if the thousands of dollars bag would get wrinkled from harsh handling. It's the life of the rich and famous.

She looks around the room and at the mess of half-empty boxes. _I guess I should get started now…_

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"I'm done!" she yells at the top of her lungs, flopping onto the same lovely satin-pink covers Sasuke's imaginary ass was on in exhaustion.

She shoves the image aside and goes out to get some coffee, all the while slipping on her Valentino Mena Ankle Boots.

Meanwhile, something mysterious blocks her way out the door. "I don't think I ever bought a wooden coats stand," she wonders aloud while rubbing the bruise on her aching (still big) forehead from where she fell onto the floor.

Even though she has gotten prettier over the years with her curvy body and small waist, her forehead is the same. It's her trademark and she's grown to love it no matter what others say. Her trick was to tune it out and was mature enough not to care. Sakura's heard it all her life; why bother?

The wooden coats stand grunts. "Idiot, do I look like one?"

Sakura blinks. Since when did a coat stand even talk? She looks up. "It's YOU!"

"Yeah, so what?" he says, in that manner of fact tone that is so interchangeably hot. Yeah, she holds a grudge and hates him for that one day long ago but he still is quite handsome. Except for the fact that he's older and much yummier.

From all the sports he plays, especially swim, he's been quite well-defined and muscled.. Not to anyone's disappointment, of course. His coal-shocked hair grew out longer over the steamy summer, although he's as pale as ever. His aristocratic nose points high in the air and his mysterious onyx eyes calculates everything he sees.

There was a slight tilt of his sexy lips, indicating a smirk. He gives her a once-over. "You know, if you wanted it here and now, you could have just told me instead of waiting for me on the floor."

She blinks again. "What?" She thinks about it.

Her. Him. On the floor. No way! She had too much integrity!

"What the hell? I don't want to do it with you! I was on the floor in the first place because of your big ass blocking the doorway!" A nice ass, by the way.

Sasuke smirks. She's blushing so much right now. "Well at least you welcomed me to my new dorm. Great, isn't it?"

Sakura growls and gets off the floor, "This is _my_ dorm! How dare you take it away from me! I finally have my freedom when you come and destroy everything! That's what you are: a Destroyer!"

Sasuke quirks his brow, "Did you really want this dorm all too yourself?"

"Yes! What'd you think it was for? Trashing?" she growls. "Now you're kicking me out of my own dorm and I have to find another—"

"Did you forget we're sharing it? I'm not kicking you out. Of course, only if you want me to."

She stares. And stares again. What did he just say?

"What?"

Sasuke sighs. "I'm not kicking you out of the dorm. And I'm not leaving. So we're sharing it."

"Oh." She looks down at his Hugo Boss Primizio leather loafers, a little embarrassed at her dramatic monologue. She finally notices the luggages by his feet. "_Oh…"_

"Damn right, 'oh'. Now help me bring these into my room."

She thinks as he walks away with half of Prada's new line of traveling luggages, quickly devising a plan.

_Yeah I'll help. Let's see how long it takes for you to live with an insane roommate!_

She grins maniacally. Let's wait and see…

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Author's note: Okay! My first ever fic! After all these years of reading others fics, its now my turn! Tell me what you think please!


	2. Roomie with Bloopy

AN: I felt the prologue didn't do as much of a justice as it should; it's pretty jumpy. Anyway… here ya go. Oh and from here on forward, it will be in Sakura's point-of-view because prologues always need a different view in things. Oh, and all the items mentioned are_** real.**_ And that means I did painstaking research for you guys. Feel happy :)

**Disclaimer applied:** - I'm gonna get tired of writing that soon. And it's only my second time! Urg. And Serena is not mine either.

(1) I swear to goodness I didn't plan it that way! I just thought all the school names sounded generic and so I spiced it up with some odd name. I just… I don't know, it happened! But it was really funny. :D So I stuck with it. Enjoy!

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**Officially Chapter One**:

_ Roomie with Bloopy _by Market Rush

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He's doing everything on purpose. I just know it. How can he just sit there in my room and not feel a thing? Isn't he cold?

He's taking off his silky blue button-up and nothing? Bam bing bong? At all?

That's evil.

Well, it's okay. His maid does all his shopping.

I, on the other hand, have to do it all by myself. Don't you know it's dangerous in New York? I might get a heat stroke from just walking on fifth avenue!

I sit on my side of the room on my own bed, just staring at him. Oh, the curve of his neck and the juncture of his collarbones… how nice… and don't forget those abs…

I snap out of it partly because he caught me staring. His eyes are like magnetic. It's so strong and streams me along I can feel it a mile away. Creepy…

I wish I didn't have my mother's genes: having extremely rosy cheeks that glow like a freaken nightlight, which it was doing at this very moment. Grr…

And he's smirking! He knows he's good-looking! The insanity!

Well time for my evil Plan of Doom to start.

First Step: Boundaries

I laugh insanely. Time to show him whose boss!

"Sakura, what are you doing?" he says from his Vera Wang mattress next to the window. His eyebrows quirking to the oncoming turmoil.

That's right. He took the window spot! I can't believe it. Girls need as much air as guys. Probably even more!

I am codependent on air. It loves me and I breathe it. We naturally work in symbiosis. I'd literally die without it.

Oh sweet, sweet air…

"I'm making a boundary line so I can have my small pint of sanity." I tapped down the blue masking tape with my foot across the floor, dead in the middle.

"Well that's nice…"

Hell yes it is.

"Hey! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" This was me yelling.

"I'm seeing if it works…" says Sasuke, all calmly and digging under the tape with his toe; making it come off. That guy drives me nuts!

"The point of the line is to have you AWAY from MY side! Didn't you hear a word I said?!" I cry hysterically. He seriously IS doing this on purpose!

He smirks again and I momentarily forget what I was yelling for. His smirks always lights up his face… I bet his smile would be even better…

Ino told me that once during our last year of high school, he smiled a tiny smile to Naruto because they were talking about some girl with the tendency to compete with him in everything and how she was all clueless. And then everyone in the room basically melted into a pile of goo! Even the teacher! His name was… Professor Orochimaru? Well, whatever. I wonder who that girl was that Sasuke was smiling about… and show her whose boss! Not that I'm jealous or anything; merely curious…

Maybe it was Karin he was smiling about. During high school, he dated her in our senior year and gosh, was _she_ annoying! She was always around wherever he was and _always _tried anything to get his attention.

Even though her dad owned a pretty wealthy company, she insisted on only wearing halter tops paired with mini-skirts with high pumps. Bleh. No taste at all. At least it's not me that's dressed like that.

After he started dating her, I ignored him. I don't know why. I just did. And she always gave me dirty looks during that time too. Funny, Sasuke kept shooting me glances back then too.

I don't get it, what did _I _do to you? Jeez, talk about greedy.

Hey, the God is speaking again.

Oh right. Yes. Anyway…

"Why do you need a boundary line? You don't want me near you?" he slowly asks, coming closer and crossing the line.

Le gasp! The line!

He's stroking my cheek with one hand and with the other supporting the back of my head. Wow… his hands are soft… and he grew a lot taller the last time I saw him, which was during graduation. After that, I never heard from him again. Until now. Stealing my room and all. Grr… made my life a living aych-ee-double-hockey-stick. I wrinkle my nose mentally.

Oh lookie here! He's a head taller than me! And ohh… his eyes are so alluring…

Gasp again! I get it! He's trying to steal MY side of the room too!

Why that ignorant pig-headed man with the face of an angel!

Why is he starting to smirk again…?

"I didn't know you thought of me like that," he says, chuckling. I can feel his chest rumble with his vibrations. Oh dear me…

Wait. Did I? No, I did not!

I said it out loud! AHHHH!

I'm DOOMED! I'm _never_ going to show my face again! Gone are my days of shopping! Gone are the days of those cute Versace tweed jackets! Oh **NOOOO!**

One day, I'll find a way to have him stay put! Maybe chain him to the wall? And have my way—

Nevermind. I don't want that pig. Especially since he has Karin. And I am going to make it very well clear.

Time for

Step two!: Mr. Bloopy!

And with much difficulty, I whipped out of his strong embrace and went into the kitchen to bring out the **weapon of mass destruction**. It's so important, it's in bold.

It's…

…

A watermelon.

A whopping fifteen pounder!

Who said it had to be high-techy?

In one moment, it can bring down the world! Well, maybe just Sasuke's.

So I lug the heavy bowling-ball of a fruit and bring it into the room, all the while whipping out a black permanent sharpie.

"Sasuke, do you know what this is?" I say, importantly.

He flickers his eyes to the fruit and dryly looks at it, not bothering to move his head to inspect it. He seems annoyed for some reason.

He just doesn't understand how great it is. I'll show him…

"It's a watermelon."

I answer back to him, matter-of-factly. "WRONG! It is not! His name is Bloopy! And he shall be living here with us from now on! He's my bestest friend and you better respect him!"

And to piss him off even more, I add, "Oh, and he's going to be sleeping on your bed."

Ha. I'm evil.

I pop off the cap of the black sharpie I brought with me and drew on Bloopy's eyes and mouth, oddly looking like a decapitated jack-o-lantern. A _cute _decapitated jack-o-lantern.

Hey, it's hard trying to hold onto a fifteen pounds watermelon WHILE trying to draw his lovely face. I even had to squat a bit. Haha. I bet it looked like I had to take a dump; which Sasuke noticed and is now smirking, again!

Oh well. I will have no less for Bloopy!

Now let's see how Sasuke thinks about this!

Look! He's even speechless! His eyes are widened and his mouth looks like he's gasping for air like a fish. I wait for his reply.

This is all very comical. I likey.

"You…"

He's speaking! Wait for it…

Wait for it!!

I wonder what he is going to say about my brilliant plan…

"… are an idiot."

I widen my eyes, fake hurt (or maybe it wasn't; well whatever) and look as if a ghost has just hunted me down and ate my entire closet of this spring's new fashion line. That's _horrible_!

"I am not! How can you say that! After all we've been through you still don't see the light?" I start spazzing in front of him as if I'm having a heart attack.

Which my family has a clean record of such thing. I'm sure great-great-grandpa Haruno had a great heart.

I continue with my heartfelt speech. "You're just jealous and you want him all to yourself! You know what?! I don't care what you think! I'm keeping him and he's living **here**!"

And with strength I didn't know I have, I threw Bloopy out the window. _WHOOSH!_

**SPLAT!**

Is it just me or did I hear a small voice say _"Hey! I'm walkin' 'ere!"_ with a Jersey attitude down below?

Well I am on the 3rd floor of my five-story building where my dorm presides. Which I'm sharing with Sasuke. Psh.

Oh I hope Bloopy didn't hurt any nearby college students roaming around or anything. Or worse, the Dean! He'll kick me out of university if he finds out!

Hmm… nothing a little money can't straighten out.

I look down below from where Bloopy's mangled body lay like his grave.

Ewww… the fruity meat is spilling from him like oozing blood and the rinds are scattered everywhere. Is that a piece of him in a bird's nest? Poor Bloopy… we shall miss you. R.I.P dearie… You have served me well… Shoo flies! Away from him!

I glance back to Sasuke to see his reaction again. I almost forgot about him because of the commotion.

He's staring at me as if I've gone psycho! His eyes are glazing over and he's gone even paler than he is. He should tan maybe. Or would that lose his appeal? Well, whatever.

Everything is going to according to plan! From buying the watermelon to naming him to throwing him out the window: yes! It has gone all according to plan!

I wonder how much more Sasuke can take. Muahahahahaha-- Cough. Cough. Ehem. I shall work on my evil laughter later.

Without much further ado, I pat Sasuke on his head and skipped out of the room, grabbing my Zac Posen attaché Madison bag from the antique ivory chair that creaks whenever I sit on it and went out for some mint mocha chip frappuccino blended coffee.

I totally deserve Starbucks with my job well done.

You know his hair is pretty soft even though it looked like there was a massive attack of gel blobs that had a war on his head…

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Oh heeey, that looks cute. Maybe I should pair the point-toe gold leather pumps with my new knit stove-pipe black pants I bought yesterday at Saks. They're gorgeous together and oh… all the heads will be turning when I make my entrance…

I am currently out in the city of Manhattan, celebrating my insanity and all its goodness in a cute boutique across from Frankenstein University: FU for short. (1)

I was picking out my new outfit until my cell rings. Brriiinng Brrriiiing!

I went to shuffle it out from my neutral shoulder bag.

"Hello?"

"Sakura?" a familiar voice rang out. "Are you ready yet? We're gonna leave you if you don't get your butt out here!"

How dare they leave me! "I'm coming, I'm coming! I just need to finish shopping and then we'll leave to the art gallery, okay Ino?"

"Forehead, just hurry it up," Ino snorted to the phone. "That dreamy artist guy is there!" she added.

Wasn't she with some other guy? Charlie? Chubby? Chou… gi? That dork.

One day, I'll hide her credit cards and all her cash when we go shopping again at Comme des Garcons boutique and she'll just have to watch me buy outfits after outfits! She'll go nuts without having to buy anything! Haha. That shopoholic. Tsk tsk. She just can't stick to a man.

Matter of fact, so can't I.

How dare she reprimand me to hurry it up! Looking good takes awhile okay? She knows that. It's not like we magically appear gorgeous. Unlike Serena van der Woodsen. She shines greatness! Oh that reminds me, I have a lunch date with Serena at the Terrace next week. Grr… so much to do.

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AN: I FINISHED! My very first chapter! I would appreciate flames, criticisms since they are constructive.  And also because this fic doesn't have a plot line. I did everything on a lazy Sunday afternoon. nods Thank you very much for your support; I very much appreciate you all and all the hits. The little things make me happy. Sighs.


	3. Ooh la la!

Grasping my Hermes saddlebag from its lazy position beside me, I turn to the magnificent creature in front of me. "Thank you, Serena, so much for coming out of your way just to have a chat from your old friend. We MUST do this again." Currently, we are in the vast garden of that new restaurant, La Vie en Rose, everyone is going gaga over. Too bad its exclusivity and tiny clientele list shrouds the paparazzi from coming inside. Luck had it that I got a membership. A phone call here and there… a string or two may have been pulled… et voila! No snags in site! HAHA. What now, Ino? Thought I couldn't get in… nee ner nee ner!

Serena, that oh so lovely doll, only smiles coquettishly at my comment. "Oh yes we must! I haven't seen you in so long! Ever since that incident with Genma… ".

I gasp, "Don't you bring THAT boy up! He was such a bore!"

The blonde giggles, "Hey- at least he was cute. His rippling muscles…" Ha that flirt. Did you know that after a nasty breakup, she swore off dating? And next thing ya know, she jumps back on the wagon with not one, but FIVE guys in tow. I guess she couldn't help pretending to be a virgin for a minute. Haha. She told me at a wild party, "Noooo I'm not dating… It's out of mere coincidence that we're all going to that back room over there and don't want to be bothered for at least an hour". That girl makes me laugh.

Anyway, back to the present.

Taking a quick sip of my blueberry-vanilla tea and dabbing a cream-colored napkin on the corners of my lips, I take my leave. "Good-bye, Serena!."

Serena takes me into a quick hug, and I turn towards the exit.

Time to hop on the family jet en route to the city of love.

Walking along the Seine is always magnificent, and yet, I can't steady my focus onto its beauty. Another problem has arisen, and its horrid name is Sasuke. Lately, he's on my mind, fucking with my thoughts. Can he be any more annoying? Well apparently, he can. And he says I'M annoying. Do I have to stand for this? NO. But I can't resist thinking about his sexy smirk and yummy abs…

Suddenly, a man crosses my line of thought, interrupting me of my scintillating thoughts of a sexy someone. "Excusez-moi, mademoiselle?" (Excuse me, miss?)

Oh he's a frenchie. "Oui?" I turn to look at him. Oooh la la… un homme ravissant! (A ravishing man.) I bat my long lashes at him.

He winks and murmures, "Voules-vouz cochez avec moi, ce soi?" (Will you sleep with me tonight?)

I burst out laughing quite loudly, what with the song reference and corny pick-up line. I didn't think there were still guys out there as to be so gutsy and daring. But then, there is still Sasuke to consider. Hmm….

I'm still cackling at the man and turn away before more tears in my eyes ruin my eyeliner. I suddenly remember the time and look at my Swarovski crystalline watch. I'm twenty minutes late! I quickly say an au revoir and take my leave towards a passing taxi.

Climbing in and muttering to the cab man an address, I take my phone out and dial a number so ingrained that it takes no time to remember. Listening to its mind-numbing rings, the person on the other line finally picks up.

"Oui?" a smooth, low voice rumbles.

"Why Sai, can't a friend get a friendly greeting?" I croon.

"You know, Ugly, you can't even get uglier. You're the final point."

Ignoring his rude comment, I prattle on about dropping by his luxe condo in the heart of Paris. "And I don't care if you're not letting me in. I will kick down the door if I have to."

Sai sighs. You know Sai sounds a lot like "sigh". So would it be more accurate to say, "Sigh sighs"? Huh. Guess not

Hearing him begin his cursing his life, I tune back to what he says. "Sakura, could you be anymore more deprecating?"

"Nope."

"…"

"…"

"Okay come over."

I smile a winning smile!

I win.

Banging on the door, I call into the home. "SAI! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE."

An annoyed Sai promptly opens the door. "You look horrible, Ugly."

"Jet-lag is a bitch, Bitch." Yeah, I told him off. Ha. I plop onto his comfortable modern black couch. I love his living room. It has black furniture and decorations with red accents accompanying its ivory walls and paneling. I'm so happy Sai finally let me decorate it. Took a bunch of badgering and prodding until he caved in. Sakura wins again!

Sai sits opposite me in a lavish love-seat. "So what are you doing in Paris? Last time you visited me was when you were drunk off your ass after that gala."

I pondered at the memory. "Times are different now. But uh, speaking of memories. Remember that time you drank all of my 1909 vintage bottle of cognac noir and lovingly touched lips with Neji right in the kisser? He would've killed you if I weren't there to persuade him that it was all an accident and that he in fact had very nice girl hair."

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT STOP WITH THE STORIES. I get it." He sighs again, mumbling about how he was about to make out with a hot girl, only to switch spots with Neji. "Stop using that against me." Sai glares at me and sighs another long sigh. "What do you want me to do?"

I smile a tainted, evil grin. "You'll see."

Phase two begins.

SO. It's been... uh.. two years? since I've last updated? Ahh let's just say I couldn't get into the mood of writing it. It was pretty plotless. And more for entertainment value than anything. Anywho, I want to know what you guys think of this fic. What with the feedback (on anything really), it'll help me know if you guys want me to continue it, or delete it. =) So let me knooww...


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